Its all about the Benkenstein.

Last night's flacid performance left me quite, well, for lack of a better phrase, at home. See when i was 8 years old, I got up in the early hours of the morning to watch the semi final between South Africa and England at the SCG in Sydney. It was a magical tournament, sponsored by Benson & Hedges- in a time when smoking was cool. Rain interrupted play before the last ball of the 43rd over. South Africa then required 22 runs off 13 balls for victory. With 2 overs lost to rain, the target was reduced to 21 runs from only 1 ball. Sweet. Go home. No surprise that a South African later developed the Duckworth Lewis system for rain interupted games.

We started the 1996 world cup in the sub-continent with 5 consecutive victories, all of them total white-washes. We moved on to the quarter finals where we were to meet a West Indian side who, in their last game, had lost to an unknown Kenyan side after being bowled out for 93. They whipped us in no uncertain terms. Lara bewildered the attack with a decadent 111 (he was dropped early in his innings, obviously). I missed the last 15 overs of this game due to the fact that i was in a std. 4 Mrs. Whitcomb driven, History lesson. Like i need to know about the great trek. Idiots.

In 1999, we had to endure the Proteas losing to the Australians once, and in the next fixture, the semi, We watched Lance Klusener turn water into wine. Chasing a 213, we lost too many wickets too quickly. Zulu hit 31 off 16 to leave us with 3 balls to score 1 run. Chaos ensues, run out of spectacular proportions, match tied. Go home. Fans still cheering, pass out and wake up the next day.
2003 was in our own back yard. Game 1, Windies vs Proteas. As in '96, Lara bludgened 116 to give South Africa an inappropriate loss. New Zealand whop us in the rain and the cherry of all cherries, as in '99 we tie a match in a Duckworth Lewis affected match. Ok, that tournament was a scary combination of sick events. Stay home.

2007 was a crime, we never even looked like winning. We did however get to the Semi's, but after floundering to 27 for 5 we only managed to post 149. They embarressed us and we came home from the Caribbean still red around the neck from choking. In the same year we were eliminated from the inaugural Twenty20 cricket World Championship because of Net run rates. yeah, i know.

So see, there was no way we could ever have gone on to the final of the 2009 ICC World Twenty20 last night. It would have gone against everything i have ever learnt and held dear about my precious Proteas. GO THE FUCK HOME!!!

Fear not, Cricket was included in the 1998 Commonwealth Games in Malaysia; this was the first (and, to date, only) time that cricket has been played at a Commonwealth Games. Dale Benkenstein was in that squad, put that in your pipe and smoke. I dont know what im even saying anymore. Just dont be upset, its not the player's fault, or the coach or the pitch or the system. Its just the way it is.

Custard Blooded Lions.

R460 worth of tickets on the east stand. Im looking at them, 16:30pm Wednesday afternoon, and im like a schoolboy, ready for the game at Coca Cola park against the British and Irish Lions. I have promised my girlfriend an event of proportions, seeing this touring squad happens less than once a decade. We drive to the ground, traffic was well managed by JMPD, wow Berea and Hillbrow make me feel comfortable. Calm car gaurds usher us into a vacant parking area and ask for R20 to watch the car.

We weren't haggled on the way to the ground and finding our seats was simple thanks to all the officials guiding us to our part of the ground. Once seated, the game kicks off and yes, I like this old Transvaal-style kit. Intense pressure from our loose forwards... we turn it over... Vermaak moves the ball to Pretorius who makes one of his trademark insteps toward the try-line... tackled well but supported by the entire tight five- the ball comes out quickly... moves through the backline and Ludik finishes it off in the corner. 23 000 spectators scream in ferocious unity. 78 minutes of this and im exhausted, we win a well contested match 23 - 17. Even Craig Joubert had a decent match.

I wake up on my keyboard, it 16:53pm and i have drooled on the tickets, up and off to the ground. No JMPD around, traffic jams aplenty and only a third of the tickets have been sold- what will happen in 10 days time when they expect three times this amount of people for the opening of the Confed cup? Aggresive car gaurds corner us into a side road and demand R50, i give them R20. Constantly aware of potential muggers and shouting mandrax mentalists, we pace towards the turnstyles. Cant find our seats but at only a third capacity we grab some vacant ones and sit. Starving, we opt for the semi-cooked prego rolls. no sauce. R50. Fanta and Sprite. R20. 30 grams sliced biltong R30. So many vendors i can barely see the field. "They dont put up with this shit at Loftus", my girlfriend reminds me.

Kick Off :D YES PLEASE!!! We win a scrum in their 22. "FUCK YEAH", the schoolboys behind me are getting into it a little more vocally than im prepared to. Sephaka drops his shoulder, turn over, major counter deep into our half. Scurried defense. Ludik clears. He isn't getting up. Wait, things are going poorly, i can see the holes, and why are they so lacklustre? There goes O'Driscall, wow he runs beautifully, under the posts. 60 - 10. WHAT? 6 minutes to go, we leave, my heart, Im shattered. The years of depressive Lions support summed up, im losing it.

Once outside the ground we hear the crowd, more points! The only bit of luck is that our car is the only one not triple-parked-in. We drive out of Johannesburg CBD. The radio tells us of a final try after the one we heard. 74 - 10. Sometimes i wish i was born in Pretoria, but Blue is not my colour.